Freefall Progress: Day Twenty Seven

Yesterday I was remembering what it was like to be in the throes of grief.  There's that moment of freefall when you are so empty and so terrified that if you don't hold on with your fingernails and everything else you have, something, you don't know what, but something terrifying will happen.  But when finally, you let yourself freefall, you hit bottom.  And once you hit bottom, you bounce up.  It's a miracle really.  But every time it happens, it's impossible to trust that there is a bottom. Is it possible that this is the last five minutes of meditation?  Those last five minutes where you just can't stand to force yourself to sit any more?  I always thought it was pure shpilkes and that I'd come by it honestly.  I am a person with a lot of energy.  I am a person who does not like to sit.  Today I opened my eyes only three minutes early.  Trust.  Progress.  Maybe.