Aerial View: Day Forty-Four

Lots of people have asked me how life is different since I began this meditation journey. It's damn hard to explain. I say things like "I'm less reactive" or "Things have slowed down a bit. I've cleaned out two drawers." I try to explain how sometimes it feels as if I have an aerial view of my life below and I can very clearly hear the subtext of what others say. On the flip side: even though many things seem clearer, my own life is just as foggy and inscrutable as it has always been. It's difficult to quantify how life has been different for the past forty-four days, yet different it is. There's a part of me that is calmer than the person I used to be, yet the person I used to be is always still there. I'm a bit more aware how self-criticism has limited me in so many of the things most valuable to me. When that loop of critical thought plays in my head, I'm aware of just how hard I am on myself. In discussions with others, it's easier for me to tap into what I truly want to convey. The best part is the feeling of satisfaction I get from being able to say what I mean in a more effective way. It's not that I'm communicating better with others (I can't be the judge of that), but I intuit on a deeper level what is important to me.