Anxiety, my old friend. All the things I have no control over, those are the things that worry me most. The more unproductive the worry, the stronger it wraps around my belly, my throat, my head. Yesterday, I turned off my phone for an hour and met with my teacher and friend, Lee. I listed my worries, health and emotional concerns for family members. Even though I know my worries are reasonable (I don't look for drama), I am disappointed in myself. Shouldn't the meditation have diminished all that misdirected anger and free floating anxiety? Really?
"Let's use the tools," Lee said and we meditated together. I went in very deep. Dreamlike thoughts floated by, nonsensical things I can't remember now. The blur is appealing. The ephemeral lovely.