Respect Perspective: Days One Hundred Twenty Four- One Hundred Thirty Four

There's a bad feeling dogging me.  It's nasty stuff and it makes me crabby and when I'm crabby, there's no hiding it.  So this morning when I sat down to meditate, a goal popped to my surface pretty quickly.  I'll figure out what's bothering me, I thought.  It's probably my weight or a ghost anniversary.  When something bad happens at a certain time of year, my body remembers the anniversary before my mind figures it out.  Once I figure out that earlier feeling that is  being recycled in my body, I feel better.  I like to figure things out.  It makes me feel smart and feeling smart makes me feel good. But goals and meditation don't mix well.  Once I sat down, I realized the flaw in my plan.  Meditation is not my time to figure things out.  It's not a time to figure out what's making me crabby.  It is the time to take a break from what's making me crabby.  That is where the relief comes from.  That is where the respect comes from.  Twenty minutes each day I pay some respect to myself and let the rest go.