Interiority can be intrusive. There are calendar dates that circle around me. I don't think about these dates consciously, but my body always knows when they arrive. Snippets of the lost past. I don't consciously anticipate these dates, but my body does. I get spacey. I feel exhausted. It's impossible to drag myself out of bed. It takes a while before I realize, -oh, it's August 21st. I remember what happened on this day so many years ago. These ghost anniversaries were with me long before I started to meditate. I wish I could say the meditation practice has made me more attune to these times and more accepting of them, but I still am always shocked when my body knows more than my conscious mind.
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Meditation is not about ambition. It is about intention. It is not about doing it right or being the best or even about becoming enlightened. It is about sitting in stillness for twenty minutes every day. That’s all. Now, see what happens.