Who I Am vs. Who I Was: Days Two Hundred Thirty Six - Two Hundred Forty

It's hard, no, it's impossible to quantify and qualify what meditation has done for me. I am different than I was two hundred forty days ago, I'm quite sure, but I'm not at all sure how I am different. Part of this is because I don't remember who Lori was eight months ago. Was I more irritable? Less open to new possibilities? Not as satisfied with the little victories I accomplished? When I think about personality traits, qualities, faults, in a general way, I can't recall. But when I get down to specifics, things do seem a little different. Today I visited with an old college friend whom I haven't seen for at least five years. We figured out we could meet at the art museum in a town halfway between the both of us. This might not seem like much, but it took some time and some effort to figure out a workable plan. Possibilities need nurturing or poof! they pop and disappear not with a bang but a whimper.

The distance between the person I am and the person I want to be has not lessened. There is a vast gulf between us, but I have dipped a toe in the water and am contemplating the distance from a new vantage point.