Yesterday, when I sat down to meditate, the usual mantra didn't feel right. I usually go with Sat Chit Ananda or Who Am I, but yesterday the name given to me by parents popped into my head. I miss my old name, so I thought, why not? I'll use my birth name to coax the thoughts from my head to my heart. This was harder than you might imagine. Every time I repeated my three original names, I met myself with resistance. In my mind, I stumbled over the words, then automatically slipped back to my usual mantras.
I tried again today. I repeated my birth name to myself several times in a row, but every time I resisted. A name is a power house of emotion. I miss my old name, but perhaps it doesn't fit me anymore.