Be still, I order myself. Still, I do not like to follow orders. Today I choose a mantra in the imperative. A command. Be still. I say it again in my head, but this time I add a little coddle: You can do it. Try again.
I resist. That's who I am. I like to do the opposite of what I've been ordered to do. You've always been that way, my big brother told me. It's why I went to law school Why don't you become a secretary or a nurse? my guidance teacher suggested. You'll never get into law school. Admittedly, some ideas were better than others.
Contrariness suits me. Contradiction adds dimension. I test out one way, then I seek out the opposite and try that one on.
Be still, I suggest. Or not.